Last night was prom night, and there seemed be hardly a boy/girl couple to be found… and this is very bad for men… read on.
This year, my wife and I have had the privilege to twice, participate in one of the most cherished moments of parenting — Prom Night! Last night we went with a close friend to drop her daughter off at prom; the week before, it was our daughter’s.
It brought back waves of familiar memories — gorgeous dresses and awkwardly worn suits, teacher chaperones searching bags for booze (and now pot), parents snapping photos, and arranging hotel rooms for post-prom parties.
But in other ways, it could not have been more different than the prom I remember from a million years ago, with my crooked tie, tight faux leather shoes, and tentative date.
The most significant change I saw in these modern proms was the significant proportion of girls there with other girls, clearly as dates. Both my daughter and our friend’s daughter had female dates, both having proclaimed their bisexuality in the last year or so.
While I knew bisexuality was mainstreaming, I hadn’t anticipated how prolific it was becoming. At both of these proms, it seemed to me — and maybe I am ‘over-seeing’ it — that female couples were more the norm than the exception.
I’ve asked my daughter about this. She says that while she is definitely bisexual and not a lesbian, she feels much safer dating women. So, while she can potentially feel attracted to a guy, in her mind, trying to date him would not be worth the risk.
I find this fascinating. Has the combination of male assholery and female sexual empowerment removed guys from the dating pool? I think maybe it has.
On one level, this is just kind of cute and quirky- young women open about, flexible, and experimenting with their sexuality.
But on another level, this is of much more consequence. That thing my daughter said — dating guys is not worth the risk. Decades of male violence and mistreatment toward women are catching up with them. They can, literally no longer get a date.
And the consequence of this — male un-dateability — should concern all of us. Remember the incel movement — these angry, violent guys holed up in their parent’s basements, plotting all kinds of awful things directed at women. This is what guys do when they can’t get a date.
So, society needs to act to help these boys. Guys need to become date-worthy again. We need to teach them to socialize with girls as equals, to enjoy time spent with them, and not to feel threatened when girls outperform them.
I love that my daughter wants to date girls. I’m OK with her never dating a boy. But it breaks my heart and frightens me, on behalf of all society, that she’s not dating boys because they scare her.