My Partner is Masturbating Beside Me As I Sleep and I’m a Little Freaked Out

Chai Steeves
3 min readMay 12, 2022

Ok — Actually I’m a little turned on.

Photo by Rich Soul on Unsplash

This question came up in an advice column I read. A guy said he is sometimes awakened by the sound and movement of his wife’s side of the bed. As he rouses from sleep, he realizes she is masturbating in bed beside him. It’s a pretty regular occurrence, and since he’s a light sleeper, he wakes up every time she gets busy as he sleeps.

She has no idea he is awake as she’s rubbing one out. And he has no idea what he should do. Should he tell her he’s awake; should he lend a hand; or should he simply allow her to go about her business?

I found this to be an interesting dilemma, so I asked friends about this last night.

Firstly, we all admit to having done this — been the bed-masturbator — many times. We would either wake up in the middle of the night and not be able to get back to sleep, and hand wanders; or other times, it’s bedtime, and one partner falls asleep earlier, so the other decides to self indulge.

So we all started this discussion with the knowledge that we had both been the person to masturbate in bed beside a sleeping person, and we had all been sleeping as someone masturbated next to us.

We next discussed how we would want our partner to react if they woke up as we were touching ourselves. On this, we differed. For me, I would love it if my wife woke up and either offered to help or wanted to touch herself as well. It may be part of my extreme extroversion, but I think it would always be better with a partner engaged somehow.

The others felt differently. They all felt that if they were masturbating on their own, they probably would want to be left on their own. So, especially if they were getting themselves off in bed, it probably means they wanted it to be quick and uncomplicated, so it would be better if their partner didn’t really acknowledge what they were up to. That said, they all said they would find it very hot to acknowledge it after the fact. So, for example, they thought it would be sexy to hear, the next morning, that their partner had been listening as they wanked it in bed.

Another element of the discussion — we all found the idea of our partner doing this…

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Chai Steeves

eclectic guy - likes sexuality, politics, business, relationships, celebrity trivia...