Have I been doing masturbation wrong all of these years?
We all know that anal sex is the rage these days. A recent study by bedbible.com found that 40% of people have played around by the back door — a whopping 33% increase in the past 20 years.
But despite my love of butt play, I didn’t really know that anal masturbation was becoming a thing. Sure, I would get the ads for anal toys in my seemingly endless stream of sex shop emails, but I assumed couples mainly used the toys on each other.
Then arrived my monthly Lovehoney newsletter celebrating Masturbation May. The newsletter featured an extensive assortment of masturbation assists, categorized into easy-to-find headings — clitoral, penis, mutual, and anal. Yes, anal-anal masturbation toys were one of the featured categories.
Dr. Megan Flemming — a very sexy clinical psychologist and sex and relationship expert — walked me through the basics of anal self-love: hygiene, toy selection, warming up the ass, and lube choice.
Some of the key points that hit home with me:
- It can be incredibly pleasurable, so it’s well worth trying and keeping an open mind to;
- Hygiene is important, so wash well, but also don’t freak out if it’s a tiny bit messy;
- Lube, lube, lube- of course;
- Warm your ass up extensively, getting yourself really aroused before you dive in too deep;
- When it comes to toys, start with a smaller toy and slowly work your way up. One thing that surprised me a bit was her advice to start small, even if you are an experienced ass-player. She said each session should start slowly to get your ass ready every time;
- Finally, be willing to try it a bunch of times to get better at finding the positions and combinations that work best for you.
Riffing off that last tip, one obvious thing is that there are many ways to play with your sweet ass. Some people — most, I would guess — choose to play with their penis or clit as they also play with their ass. This certainly made sense to me; while I love ass play, I’m not sure it, alone, would be enough for me. I see it as an enhancer to someone (or me) playing with my cock.
That said, the articles I read did make a point of saying that many people can orgasm from anal play alone. And those orgasms — p-spot orgasms — are apparently sensational.
I’ve been a light ass-toucher for some time now. I like it and am certainly open to the idea of a bit more. My wife tries but is a little less keen. So maybe, going forward, I need to lean into the solo side.